In the Queue of Double Standards


I have been hating men,  I can’t really evaluate for how long but each of them has proven to be deserving of that spot. Perhaps respect is the one thing that matters the most to everyone, you, me and even them. When you can’t deliver respect at the worst of your time then you can’t really expect good in return because that is equality. Exceptions are when you really care about someone. Mind my thoughts please, but if someone cares about you then they need your attention and care in response as well. Not even a King can get all the attention without spending anything in return. A relationship between two beings  isn’t based upon sexual superiority but is rather based on the masculinity and strength of emotions and thoughts. A man who cannot consider the shortcomings of a better half equivalent to that of his own family than he cannot demand equality on his own part as well.

Not every relationship is the same and neither is every situation. If a woman is placed under a man’s arm it doesn’t mean she has all the support she needs because a slight pressure from the arm can cause immense pain in the relationship. Ask your male ego to take some rest and consider yourself equal to the person next to you irrespective of who they are. If they care for you disregarding their own family and other relationships means they already have given up everything for you but when you raise the level of your ego to the point where you can’t even see yourself is the point where they realise that may be all of this isnt worth it. Pay a little more attention for if they have the power to stand up for you in front of everyone and you cant even take stand in front of your family then dont question their love and respect for you, question yourself for your own efforts and attempts.

P.S: everyone goes through a rough day, mind asking them instead of being asked for before. If I respect its because I deeply care about you. Stop pushing yourself towards the herd of the hated.

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Reminder


There really are moments that bring so much back to your mind and in front of your eyes that you cant help but think what difference it makes or has made in the years that have passed by. You feel strange whatever has come along and think about how much and how many have you left behind. That one moment caused by your own stimulation, drives vibes of past memories across your eyes without you moving an inch through the time machine. The moment made me realize how actually time changes where at the same moment you were surrounded and here you were stranded alone with your thoughts about that very past. The day coming along and some strange conversation gives you equally strange pins about reality, your reality perhaps. Your mind, at times, is not a good place to be at for you are far more responsible for your own pain then of someone else’s. Better learn never to open up as much as someone ask you to. Words seem far prettier and meaningful when they’re unsaid instead of letting them out in the wold wandering like blind butterflies. Find peace in self and try not lean too much on a wall that needs to move on or can get relocated to fulfill some other important purpose. Yet these too are just words.

On another note it just reminded me of what a friend once said, which is quite right though, ‘Let them be with whom they want to be. As if now if they aren’t with them because of you, those people would be the one’s they will want to be with when you wont be around to tell them’. A good piece as a food for thought but certainly not related to what I had been talking about.

Level of insanity: Self Destruction


Ever felt a scream somewhere inside that is just pressing hard against the throat and it seems  as if everything will be vanished if you let it out? Lord save me from the one that Im holding inside for now I believe I’ve entered the realm of insanity. Where I’ve forgotten how to cry and I hate myself for doing it in all the wrong ways. Im in agony from which you’ve always been unknown and so it seems you shall remain ignorant throughout life. Im alone in it, not by choice but with no other option since you can’t feel it. You cant feel me inside, if you could see what I’m right now with your eyes all shut, I would be hearing your echo in my insane silence, calling out my name with a voice soft as satin. All I hear around me are my own moans and cries from nights before, hours right now, and if forbidden; years ahead. I dont see anything else with my eyes either dead or alive but for what has been engraved.

Let me go before I sacrifice myself in the path of the perfect love that I bear and shamefully die to hear you say; ‘ This was just meant to be ‘.

 

Good Night..


The worst feeling in the world, is to know that you dont love yourself. You dont love the very existence of yourself. Where once you bid everyone to stay strong and act rational and on the other hand you feel like destroying your self.
When days and nights pass by and you do nothing, nothing that gives you happiness, that gives you satisfaction. You think, think and think like a waste. You try and try to make things right for yourself but your hate for self is a little too much. When the one’s around you question you, look at you for answers but you have nothing else to say but, ‘Im ok!’
Im not ok, Im not ok at all. In my mind I’ve killed myself a thousand times in a thousand different ways. Why? Because I hate myself, because I love the rest far more than I love anything about myself. Ask me once and I’ll do it for you, except to love myself. I have been in a habit to bottle-up, I prefer keeping my secrets and game plans to myself and pinning down who the rest are and what they do and how they do it. I just know too much. I hate my brain to process the symbols into possible actions, all correct.
I just need a self with a content smile both from inside out. I have been hurting myself too much lately, I have been expecting far too much for Im giving all I can. Im fighting hard against myself in this battle of the weakest link. Im just too very weak right now, Im burdening and annoying the one around me with them left with no option but to excuse or to pull away
This talk is all crap and makes no sense to anyone but to myself. Even in a years time it wont make any sense to self, this is nothing more than a favor that I could ever do to myself. I just want an escape to a place of no man’s existence, not because I love myself but I love you far too much.
As for now Im just yearning to find a good sleep.

Difference of Possession


Peace, expectancy, life and reality, heavy words and a far heavier approach. You just think, keep on thinking through a dozen different approaches, seemingly harmless but painfully harmful.
You think about balance, you believe in giving in, you plan for hatred and dive into the pool of guilt instead. You question, you lose. They question, you justify. You believe in saying things, saying it out loud. You talk alot, you’re hate-able  you talk out to save someone’s butt you’re lovable. Expect nothing, nothing equal to a dime, for expectancy kills the worth of living. Why would you even question someone when you know you’d end up in a deafening silence with no clue, no clue of the dilemma at all. Change of subject, change of issue; loss of sense of self.
Dont talk, just dont. Let it be, let them live as they please, let them live in peace. Your mind, your thoughts distract them from what they think, believe and want. Life isn’t about how you perceive someone else to be, its about how you dissolve them in your being. They will always judge you, judge you on love, hate, thoughts and actions, you judge them on how you be when you’re there, with them.
The difference between you and them is that you know where you’re wrong and that they know where you’re wrong as well. You think in a thousand different directions and live through a hundred different perceived actions; if you want yourself to be sane then just mind your own business! Question, but question to self and none other. Remind yourself that no two beings possessed with love possess the same traits. They are beings, who have been designed and created on a scale different to yours for you to clasp and fit yourself in. Your cuts will be filled with their presence and their wounds will be healed by yours. There’s nothing like a complete package in this world.

Remember, from now on question and answer yourself. For it will save your tongue to spill out your far processed thoughts that are mostly wasted otherwise.