Good Night..

The worst feeling in the world, is to know that you dont love yourself. You dont love the very existence of yourself. Where once you bid everyone to stay strong and act rational and on the other hand you feel like destroying your self.
When days and nights pass by and you do nothing, nothing that gives you happiness, that gives you satisfaction. You think, think and think like a waste. You try and try to make things right for yourself but your hate for self is a little too much. When the one’s around you question you, look at you for answers but you have nothing else to say but, ‘Im ok!’
Im not ok, Im not ok at all. In my mind I’ve killed myself a thousand times in a thousand different ways. Why? Because I hate myself, because I love the rest far more than I love anything about myself. Ask me once and I’ll do it for you, except to love myself. I have been in a habit to bottle-up, I prefer keeping my secrets and game plans to myself and pinning down who the rest are and what they do and how they do it. I just know too much. I hate my brain to process the symbols into possible actions, all correct.
I just need a self with a content smile both from inside out. I have been hurting myself too much lately, I have been expecting far too much for Im giving all I can. Im fighting hard against myself in this battle of the weakest link. Im just too very weak right now, Im burdening and annoying the one around me with them left with no option but to excuse or to pull away
This talk is all crap and makes no sense to anyone but to myself. Even in a years time it wont make any sense to self, this is nothing more than a favor that I could ever do to myself. I just want an escape to a place of no man’s existence, not because I love myself but I love you far too much.
As for now Im just yearning to find a good sleep.