Walking on the sea, 
Seems just a dream.
Let me float, let me fly.
Burn my wings, let me Die!

اس عالم

بارش کی اس بھینی بھینی خوشبو سے
کبھی کسی کی ہنسی سے
کسی کی پیار بھری پکار سے
کسی کے لمس کے اس احساس سے
یوہنی چلتے ہوئے کسی شبیح سے
کبھی غصے کے اس عالم میں
جلتے, پگھلتے
میری یاد تو آتی ہوگی۔
Inspired by Absar Shah’s ‘Ghalat Fehmi’

I Love you Stranger.

“Can you take my hand and feel what I had for him”, she said that and took my old ragged hands in hers. At first I wished I could just rip our hands apart for I couldnt bear the cold and the fragility. “Yes dear, do you want something?  Shall I get you some water?”, I asked. She just laid there, staring in my eyes, and uttered something that I couldnt understand for a while, may be she was asking me to bring something or she just mumbled some words to break that deafening silence between us. 
I cant believe I cant even talk to her anymore, I have been living with her like strangers for months now, she doesnt even remember my name. Of all the things a man could go through in old age, she had to put me through this. I cant even hate her for anything now, she wouldnt even get the extent of my madness and frustration for she thinks her beloved husband has fled away leaving her behind with a stranger. Odd enough she loves everything about this man, comes up with questions every night, sadly the same ones again.
She tightened her grip by my hand as if she lost it for a while, her strength made me skip a beat. By the time I could come back, she pointed at something lying on the side desk. But when I moved to get it for her she stopped me; “Not now dear, not now. Give it to him when I’ll leave this room for good”, she said. I didnt have the strength to fight her back that night, I didnt have the feel for anything, not even the taste to answer all her questions over and over again. I wished I could sleep that night and wake up with a bad dream, and everything around me seems just the way it was. But dreams and reality are always mistaken. “I better get some sleep. Do you want me to bring you something?”, I asked. She just stared for a while as if she was calculating her answer and then brought my hands close to her face like she wanted to tell me something I didnt know before. “Stranger, I love you for every night that you have spared with me. No matter how much I loved my husband, I love you even more. If this is when my life ends and he comes upto you someday just tell him what he once told me; It’s easier to fall in Love with a stranger!”. Those words destroyed everything that was around me, even Me. She kissed my hand and then left them numb.
The night was restless and insane, I couldnt sleep for a moment and it turned out to be a curse in the morning. She had passed away that night without even giving me a clue, how or when. The day was spent in a hassle and the night alone. How I wished I had spent just a little more time with her but fate had to take her away before I could leave her behind. Pressing my hands against the sheets, I sat there by her corner thinking how different it would have been if she remembered who I was atleast THAT night, just that. Those words took my sight towards where she pointed at that night, towards a letter “Give it to him when I have let the room”, her voice echoed from somewhere behind. I knew it was for me and that I had to see,  the crumbled pages, the shaky handwritten words, all seemed a part of her. The letter smelt something that was filled with love.
I love you for who you are and whom you were. I have been spending each night with you as if it was my last. You seem to think how I have forgotten you and I know how annoyed you were at times, but to tell you the truth I loved annoying you because then I had a chance to make it up to you. 
I remember you talking me out of all that I had gone through the night we met, as strangers. I cant forget how you made it all so easy for me, that I could feel words melting on my tongue that night. It was something within you that held me close.
All I needed now was to feel how you had felt that night, how you had fallen in love with a complete stranger that night and how you loved every day after that. Take it as my one last wish before I die, I wanted to know YOU every night, I wanted to have YOU every night by my side. Not just as a husband but a stranger with whom I had fallen in love each night.
Take this letter as my farewell kiss to you, and remember I could have never forgotten you. Of all the worse that could have happened to you, I would have ended myself way before all this had come true.
I love you stranger.
Yours Only.

I wish I could just rip this piece of paper apart as her words have killed all that fire within. She left me with no words to say at all!


The sense of snow pouring over my palm elates my soul; as I enjoy the scene of a newly covered snow park. Strange how seasons drastically change everything that is going on within you.  The place brings back so much that has passed by, I sit and enjoy every bit of my memory flashing past my eyes. The now frozen stream, the freshly covered bridge; all remind me of the day he asked “Will I be the one who will dare to dream along with him, who will dare to step up with him in ever leap that he takes” and all I had to say was a simple Yes. All the time that I took must have been a dead end battle for him, an uphill castle to conquer. All that faith he put in me, brought me where I’m. 
I sit here and wait for seasons to change and bring along all the emotions that I hold within. Let me learn who Im and who he is, for we both have our souls sketched on a single canvas. The chilly winds make me want you more by the day and greater at night. The winds pass by and caress my soul, marking your kisses my way. I know what your up to, for I know you too well. I can read all that compassion in your eyes, as all I can see within is the image of my soul drowned in yours. 
You come along and break me off from my journey of the past, hand me over my steaming Starbucks, and all I gaze at; is the shine of that ring circling your finger. Reminds me of the day I finally said. ” I Do!”

The Last Kiss.

Wrapped up in myself, burning my soul in these crypted ashes of the past, this place doesnt give me the peace of mind anymore. The rock’s too hard, the grass too stiff, the moon too shallow, the air too breathless and the sea below so dead. The life that I lost which was once here by my side took away all that was, with her. The gleam of the star looks fake, a masquerade of her hidden tears from the searchers above. I know you arent any proud of me looking all astray and bewildered living on this land of the Winners, the Conquerors. I on the other hand have lost all my battles, burnt all my ships, the day I lost You. The day I became the reason to loose you. The day I saw you Dead!
Its my plan to meet you today for once and forever. After a hundred nights spent in that smoke, all those tears lost in the weed, I now have the guts to stand and scream my lungs out, scream to the sea below, “You’re about to take me in,and I dont want to be rejected the way Im by my life, I know Im a disgrace, but all I ask is for a praise to have kept the power to give away, by my will”. From the time I tried to cry, to the point where all these glands felt like a slab of dead, swollen, stinky meat. I tried, tried really hard to live like a man but I failed, failed you for like the thousandth time and apparently tonight would be the last. 
Standing on these feet I realize that my legs arent shivering anymore. Since the day I held you in these arms all pale and cold, so still and concrete, they lost the sense of Life. The smell of this breeze defines your presence around me, marks your path close to me. I know what you mean and want from me, but my love for you isnt that strong any more that it makes me live for all those years ahead without letting me know where ill be without you. I cant let you distract me for long, I just cant. I have taken the steps and I can see the distance in between, I need your yes in this. You just cant go all denying about it, making me guilty for letting you go, making me guilty for not saving you when I could. What about your fault, the fact that you left me all alone, fact that you didnt even give me the time to hear you for one last time.
The gush of wind that is now blowing beneath me is endlessly trying to make me fly, the efforts are all in vain my dear, You couldnt make me live for long, you just couldnt. Be my beloved and give me that Kiss for one last time before I end it all forever, before I get a chance to see you after so long. Caress me with your Lips, let me taste the pain that it gives one last time. Let it be my precious moment of Life before I die. Give me your One Last Kiss.